Restocking the Pantry

My pantry has been pretty darn close to empty lately. Grocery prices have been so high that I haven't been able to swing anything additional each week except maybe a few cans of soup or a jar of spaghetti sauce. But I am getting edgier about the state of the world, and decided to just bite the bullet and drop some scratch on some canned goods.

My local Food Lion had store brand canned veggies on sale for 50 cents a can. Pretty good deal. Apparently, other stockpilers raided the shelves before me, because the selection was slim. But I did get about 30 cans of veggies, including peas, green beans and corn. They also had canned tomatoes on sale for 79 cents a can. I prefer to buy organic, but decided to buy 10 cans anyway. When shit+fan happens, I won't give a damn if my tomatoes are organic.

I hit the local dollar store, too, and bought a few boxes of wooden kitchen matches, plus four Catholic devotional candles. The nice thing about these candles are that they burn a long time, they're unscented, plus the tall glass makes them safe(r) around kids and pets. I wish I had bought more than four now, and may drop by the store the next time I'm running errands to pick up a few extra. I also grabbed some Liquid Bandage and a couple of tubes of crazy glue. Those kinds of things could be handy but scarce in the future.

Overall, I still feel very unprepared for any possible zombie invasions. Am I better prepared than many? Yes. But I definitely don't have everything I need to hunker down at home, keep my family fed and safe, and keep my homestead defended for an entire year. I need to try and remember to do this in little bits and pieces, since I just don't have the money to drop a big wad on everything I need.

How Important Is Routine For Kids?

Ok... ok... I'm lazy. I've mentioned that before, and I'm sure it's no surprise to anyone.

For her birthday, I gave P a digital camera. The other day I downloaded her pics to my computer so I could clear up space in its memory. Basically, I got a view from my toddler's world in snapshot format.

Distressingly, the vast majority of her photos of me showed me staring intently at my computer screen. Ouch.

I am not the best mom about providing structure for my kids' day. In fact, I may be the worst mom EVER when it comes to structure and routine. Typical day:

• Hubby leaves for work. P drinks milk and watches some TV, possibly has a snack-like breakfast (banana or cheddar crackers). R crawls around on the floor. I check email and do Internet stuff for about 30 minutes while I drink my coffee.
• P demands attention. I insist she play with R. The two play for a while in our playroom or living room.
• More random play between the kids. Sometimes an errand, playgroup, lunch with my dad, or a playdate.
• Lunch is a haphazard affair if we aren't meeting someone else. If P says she's hungry, I pull out whatever is handy. This could be anything from a grilled cheese sandwich to leftover pizza. She may eat it at our kitchen island, or she may eat it while roaming around the kitchen.
• Feeding R is a matter of nursing on demand. If the kid is cranky, she gets nursed.
• More random play. I may actively engage P with something like paint, play dough or moon dough. Sometimes we'll do coloring pages or a learning activity (like putting magnetic letters on the fridge). If things are really breaking down, I'll turn on kid-friendly music and we'll all dance. We might do a craft, read some books, or do imaginative play (play house, picnic, etc.). If I'm tired, it's Dora the Freakin' Explorer time.
• Dinner is much the same as lunch. I do insist P eat at the island, but her meal could be anything from a conglomerate of leftovers or a can of soup. R gets fed solids at this time, too.
• After dinner, we clean up toys, wind down with more TV and a snack, and then have baths. Bedtime immediately follows.

See? Not much structure. Lots of independent play, but I don't actively engage my kids enough or take advantage of learning opportunities. We have no real structure on a day-to-day basis, and that needs to change.

I am not a structured person, but I definitely think I need a better routine.

"There Won't Be Any Zombies."

My posse consists of mostly men (and, recently, their girlfriends) who are the handy type (including my Hubby). Give them a few tools and a couple of screws, and they can build you pretty much anything you want. They can fix cars, mend fences, hunt deer, and fish for bass. We're a pretty tightknit group, so they know about my preps.

It's a running joke that when the zombies attack, we will hole up at my house and start our own little commune. S is our experienced hunter, so he's in charge of meat procurement. T has the most gardening experience, so he'll be our Master Gardener. Hubby is ex-military and a medical professional, so he's in charge of security and medicine. I'm management, of course.

We were sitting around discussing this plan the other night, when one of the girlfriends chimed in. "There won't be any zombies," she scoffed.

Well, let's hope not. (Although in some ways I'd prefer a brain-eating monster at my door than a gang of hungry looters/criminals.)

But she's missing the point. For me, "zombies" is just a catchall term for any potential disaster, whether it be a natural disaster, a nuclear fallout, or an economic crisis. I hope to hell I never have to hunker down and protect my home, my family, and my food from a horde of brain-hungry masses. But if it ever happens, I want to have a game plan in place.

Too many people don't believe disaster is ever going to strike. Won't they be surprised when a zombie lumbers up to their door?

First Egg!

One of my chickens (I suspect the one named Taco) laid my first egg. It's teeny tiny, but still super cool. I was so excited!

Earthquake Party

Yesterday an unusual 5.9 earthquake hit the Virginia area. I actually felt the tremor. Initially, I thought someone was driving a bulldozer into the house. Then I thought someone from another dimension had transported into my home office. (I watch a lot of sci-fi.) A few moments later, Hubby sent me a text telling me it was an earthquake. Quite a shocker for me, as this is not earthquake territory.

Hubby said the reaction of his co-workers was extremely OVERreactive. They panicked unnecessarily.

I didn't panic. For one thing, I had no idea what the tremor actually was. (Had it been a visitor from another dimension, I might have panicked a little.) For another, I was prepared.

If the earthquake had been major and either devastated my local infrastructure or trapped me and my kids in my home, we would have been able to comfortably survive for... well... long enough, I am sure. In fact, I might have called/texted my close family and friends to say, "Come on over to our house! Let's have an earthquake party!" I would have had plenty of booze, food and beverages to keep everyone happy.

There was definitely a comfort in knowing that I was prepared.

Well, prepared for everything except a visitor from another dimension.

The Mommy Conflict

Maybe it's not a "mommy" thing. Maybe it's just me. But here's where I'm at:

On one hand...

I spend my days covered in fingerpaint, sour milk and garden dirt. I kiss boo-boos, clean, wipe butts, sing songs, make meals, clean, play dolls, read picture books, clean, and listen to Dora the freakin' Explorer. There is a constant demand for my attention. I don't even get to use the bathroom alone. The most mental stimulation I get is closing my eyes and "reading" a book to my toddler by memory. Some days I crave just 30 minutes to myself, when I can do something... anything... just for me. And deep down, I wonder if maybe I should just go back to work and actually use the two degrees I am still paying for (student loans).

On the other hand...

I love my children. And I know I'd feel tremendous mommy guilt if I sent them to daycare every day. (Not to mention tremendous mommy anxiety.) I truly that believe that I am the best person to teach my kids about respect, compassion, and self-worth. And I value every single smile on their little faces, and every boo-boo I kiss.

I know I'll be a SAHM at least until they go to school. I just wish I could find a way to stimulate their minds and mine.

Goodbye, Pizza Delivery Man

My town's population is a whopping 460 people, give or take a few. Not exactly a bustling metropolis. When Hubby and I moved here a year ago, I realized something incredibly scary and disturbing: THERE IS NO PIZZA DELIVERY TO MY HOME!

This was very frightening to me, as I tended to rely heavily on pizza (and Chinese) delivery since I'm kind of a crappy cook.

Fast forward one year, and now I cook a little more (though not any better), and I would prefer to save my $$ for more important things than generously tipping a delivery driver to ensure my pizza remains spittle free the next time I place an order.

But I still love pizza (as evidenced by my waistline). Yesterday, in a desperate desire to do something... anything... with the roma tomatoes running wild in my garden, I threw together a homemade pizza sauce. I washed the tomatoes, cut them in half, squeezed out the juice and seeds, and tossed them into the food processor. After turning them into puree (I don't mind pureed skins in my sauces), I put them in a saucepan with some sugar, oregano and garlic powder. Then I cooked the crap out of it for a few hours. Finally, I mixed in a little tomato paste to thicken it up. It was decent. Not great (But hey, I'm not a great cook anyway), but decent.

Since I had some homemade pizza sauce, I figured I might as well make homemade pizza dough. I loathe kneading, so I have a few "easy" pizza crust recipes. One is made in a bread machine. Another is made in a food processer. But dammit, I'm LAZY! I wanted something even easier. Then I found this recipe on allrecipes.com: Quick and Easy Pizza Crust. It's perfect for a lazy cook like me. Do the yeast thing (yeast+warm water+sugar+5 minutes), mix in oil, flour and salt until it's a dough (I just used my favorite stainless steel mixing bowl and a wooden spoon), and TA-DA! After resting for 5 minutes, you have pliable, elastic and surprisingly tasty pizza dough. I mean, it could not have been any easier. And it really did taste good, too!

So now, armed with a pizza crust recipe that's almost as easy as calling delivery, as well as a few extra jars of homemade pizza sauce in the freezer, I think I'm probably finished with Papa John forever.*

*Nah, not really. I LOVE Papa John's breadsticks. LOVE them. I'll never let him go forever. But he won't be seeing as much of me anymore. I'm independent about my pizza now.

My Diet Philosophy

Drunk Gummy Bears

Given the title of my blog, it probably comes as no surprise that I enjoy a little recreational drinking. (Admittedly, sometimes I recreate more than others.)

I recently heard about Drunk Gummy Bears (a.k.a. Drunken Gummi Bears or Vodka-Infused Gummy Bears). I love gummy bears. And I like alcohol. Seemed like a can't-miss combination. I figured I'd experiment with them a bit, and if they turned into alcohol-soaked deliciousness, I would package them as Christmas gifts for all my other recreational drinking friends.

Like everything I do in life, I researched thoroughly before embarking on my experiment. I watched multiple You Tube videos and read various blog posts about the proper procedure for making these sugary alcoholic treats. Although specifics varied, the basics were as follows:

• Procure gummy bears and vodka.
• Place gummy bears into a glass container.
• Pour vodka over gummy bears.
• Top container with lid/plastic wrap and store in fridge.
• Stir a few times each day.

After this, directions vary. Some call for soaking the gummy bears only 12-16 hours. Others say to soak for 4-5 days and add more vodka as needed. Some instructions suggest adding fruit juice on the last day to cut the taste of alcohol.

I let mine soak for about 16 hours. When I returned to them, they were a gummy, gooey, sticky mess. Ugh. I was disheartened, but I decided to leave them in the fridge for a little more time. Why not, right?

Well, 24 hours after the gummy bears had first been submerged in vodka, a good friend shows up to drink a few beers with me. The night progressed... as nights tend to do... and I decided to show Hubby and Friend my gummy bear experiment. The bears were all stuck together, engorged with vodka, and their facial features were barely distinguishable. Hubby and Friend, however, were not deterred. They took a spoon, gave the bears a hearty stir, and proceeded to eat almost all of them. (I admit to sampling a few, too.)

Mostly, they tasted like vodka. The bears had squishy exteriors and hard interiors. Even though they weren't very palatable, most of them got consumed. This proves to me that vodka-soaked gummy bears are a hit, regardless of their texture. (Or maybe it just says something about my drinking buddies' tastes.)

Anyway, I have not deemed the experiment a failure yet. I decided to try it again. This time, I put the gummy bears in a glass jar instead of a bowl, and I added a ton of vodka. (I think the bears really need to drown in it to prevent the sticking factor.) So far they have only been soaking 12 hours, but they are definitely sticking less than the first batch.

Also, this time I used blueberry vodka instead of plain vodka.

I am sure you are anxiously awaiting the results with bated breath. I'll keep a close eye on them and report later.

Baking Sandwich Bread

Ok. So let's assume the supermarket shelves are empty, food trucks have stopped running, and everybody's hunkering down with whatever food they have on their shelves.

Based on the types of items I keep in my pantry, I am sure there is one food we're going to miss almost immediately: bread.

Now, I know there are a lot of preppers who store whole wheat. They rotate it into their family's regular meals by grinding it with a nifty grain grinder and baking homemade bread. And personally, I envy them their dedication and wisdom.

I, however, am lazy. Like... very lazy. The only way I'll ever grind wheat for my own bread is if I'm starving to death.

But I will, on occasion, bake bread. Mostly because I love the way homemade bread tastes. Yum, yum, good.

Flour--whether whole wheat or white--doesn't have a very long shelf life. It doesn't make much sense to store more than about 6 months worth. But still... 6 months is better than nothing, right? My dilemma: the amount of flour I would need to make 6 months worth of homemade bread (in a shit+fan situation) will go rancid long before I ever get a chance to use it all on a regular day-to-day basis.

Unless I start baking my own bread all the time.

So I'm thinking about baking my family's sandwich bread. Truth is, I have the time. I'm not sure it'll save us much money, but it would allow me to keep a nice solid stock of flour on hand without worrying too much about waste.

So anyone have a good, easy sandwich bread recipe? Particularly one that's half whole wheat?

Who Keeps Robbing My Bank Account?

Ok, so no one is probably robbing my bank account. But damn, it sure feels like someone is.

Since Hubby and I are now trying to live within a pretty small budget, I've decided to try cutting back my grocery shopping to twice a month. Although I wasn't planning on buying groceries this week (I had plenty of everything to get through, no problem), it turned out my supermarket was having a pretty big sale on lots of shelf-stable foods that I like to have on hand (soup, jam, ramen noodles, etc.). So I bit the bullet and went on a "stock up" trip since my pantry is pretty much empty.

I spent about $200, and got maybe a week's worth of food for my family. Seriously. That's insane.

It's true that I shop at probably the most expensive store in town. For one thing, they double coupons. For another, they have a wide variety of organic foods. I don't buy everything organic (can't afford it), but I do buy many organic things and try to mix them in with regular foods. (For example, if I make chili, I'll use one can of organic tomatoes and one can of conventional tomatoes. I figure this at least helps reduce my family's exposure to pesticides a little bit.)

I'm not sure what I can do to cut my grocery bill. But I'm going to have to come up with a solution fast. Otherwise, if grocery prices continue to rise, we're only going to be able to afford enough to feed my family on a week by week basis, rather than adding anything to our food storage.

Check Out My Guest Post

I entered the guest post contest at TheSurvivalistBlog.net. First prize includes Wise Food, 9mm ammo, the book The Dirt Cheap Survival Retreat, and the CD It's The End of the World as We Know It--And I Feel Fine. Sweet!

Check out my post here.

Sense of Urgency

For some reason... I don't know why... I have been feeling a sense of urgency lately. As if time is getting short to get my ducks in a row before disaster hits.

Maybe it's just paranoia.

I should probably see a therapist.

The Naysayers Were Right

I actually am a shitty farmer.

Well, my chickens are alive and well, so maybe I'm an ok chicken farmer. But as far as growing "crops" is concerned, my brown thumb is staying true to its nature.

I could blame it on the dry weather. I could blame it on our shitty clay soil. But the truth--the real truth--is that the only thing to blame is my laziness. I rarely weed. I water the garden only when Hubby nags me to do it. And I let my harvest ripen and rot on the vine because I don't feel like picking the veggies.

Yeah, I am a shitty farmer.

Of course, I broke one of the cardinal rules of gardening: I grew a bunch of things my family won't eat.

For example, I had three zucchini plants that produced an abundance of zucchinis. I didn't eat a single one. Each massive vegetable ended up in my compost bin. Why? Neither Hubby nor I like zucchini. I grew it because I heard it was easy to grow, and since this was my first year gardening, I thought I'd stick with easy stuff.

My tomato plants fared a similar fate. I actually DO eat tomatoes, so I planted three roma tomato plants. Unfortunately, I failed to realize that I would never be able to eat so many tomatoes (I eat about one a week). I did salvage a few and turned them into freezer spaghetti sauce. But, for the most part, they're just ripening and rotting on the vine.

It's such a huge waste, and I feel guilty and ridiculous for it all. The only thing my garden did this year was show me what NOT to do.

I actually still have some corn that's just starting to grow little ears, and I suspect I will eat that. I also have a few green bean plants and some pumpkin/squash that have a ways to go before they're ready. Hubby actually eats green beans, so they won't go to waste. And I plan to give the pumpkins to neighbors and family for Halloween decorations. So at least there are a few things that will actually get eaten/used in my garden.

I did learn a valuable lesson, however: Only plant what you'll eat, and only plant as much as you can reasonably use.

I also learned that if we have to rely on my garden in a shit+fan scenario, we're going to starve to death.

My Shit+Fan Scenario

There's been a lot of gloom and doom in the news about our current economic situation. This has led me to think a lot about how I envision a shit+fan scenario is going to unfold in my household and what it means for my preps.

• Hubby (our only source of income) will be laid off. Hopefully, he will be able to eventually find another job in his industry (medical). Lesson: We need to get 6 months of expenses built up in a cash reserve asap.

• The prices of groceries, gas, and other necessary items will continue to rise until the cost becomes unmanageable for the average household. Lesson: We need a larger stockpile of short-term essentials.

• As the economy continues to collapse, crime and riots will grow exponentially. Lesson: We need to boost our home security.

• Eventually, power outtages and water supply difficulties will make many homes inhabitable. Lesson: We need a backup plan for both power and water.

• Hungry and homeless family and friends--particularly those aware of my preps--will show up on my doorstep, looking for refuge. Lesson: I need to consider the possibility of refugees when calculating my food storage needs.

I admit that I've been slacking a bit when it comes to prepping. My pantry and short-term food storage (canned goods, dry pasta, rice, etc.) supply is pretty much depleted. We've been eating from it, and I haven't wanted to spend the money to restock. I can't remember the last time I added anything--even a #10 can--to my long term food stockpile.

Hubby and I have been in a bit of a cash crunch thanks to loaning a deadbeat relative some serious cash (We expected it to be repaid, but have now learned that we'll never see a penny of it.). As a result, we just haven't had the extra scratch to buy that additional can of soup or box of pasta at the supermarket. We have, quite frankly, been watching our pennies.

So I need to recommit to prepping, even if it means cutting my budget in other areas.

The Elusive Wild Turkey

A friend of mine always talks about how challenging it is to hunt turkey. So I sent him this picture that I snapped from my back porch:



Those are wild turkeys perched on my backyard fence. (Yeah, I'm a smartass.)

Ode To My Sofa

Ode To My Sofa

So soft and warm,
just right for my ass.
I just can't resist you
whenever I pass.

Sure, I should be jogging
or maybe lifting some weights.
But you and I, dear Sofa,
are linked by my fate.

Call me "couch potato,"
or "lazy," or "lump."
Call me any name you want,
as long as you pamper my rump.

Oh, Sofa, dear Sofa,
how I wish I could quit you.
But you're even better with age
then when you were new.

Stop tempting me, Sofa,
with your cushiony feel!
You've become my permanent home
in-between meals.

I'm leaving you, Sofa!
It's the end of the line!
Well, maybe tomorrow.
I'll nap just one more time.

Princess, Princess, Princess

I am not a girly-girl. Not at all.

My elder daughter, however, is in full-on princess mode. She always wants to wear dresses. She begs to wear princess costumes. And she's always asking for princess books, princess coloring pages, princess toys, bla bla bla.

Is this something every little girl goes through?

Damn you, Disney, for infiltrating my child's brain.